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Arrested development

June 29th, 2009 10 comments

 

No laughing matter: Brian Lawler was arrested Friday for the second time this year by Jackson Police.

No laughing matter: Brian Lawler was arrested Friday for the second time this year by Jackson Police.

 

Following up on my April 15 post, Brian Lawler was arrested in the early morning hours of Friday, June 26, for public intoxication at a Circle K in Jackson, Tenn. (In my experiences, convenience stores at 3 a.m. only mean trouble.) The Jackson Sun printed the following excerpts from the police report:

Officers were dispatched about 2:45 a.m. Friday to a Circle K store at 1831 U.S. 45 Bypass in reference to an intoxicated person. When officers arrived, they found Brian Lawler, who “was very unsteady on his feet” and had “slurred speech.” Once he was taken into custody, Brian Lawler “became very belligerent,” cursed at an officer and told the officer that once the handcuffs were taken off him, he was going to rip the officer’s head off. The report said Brian Lawler “was taken into custody for his own safety due to his high level of intoxication.”

I was informed that this was Brian’s second incident in the area in as many weeks, as he supposedly was recently hitting on a girl at a Jackson bar, which ticked off her boyfriend, who happened to be an MMA fighter. (Apparently, there’s a regionally based MMA league in the Jackson area—which sounds like the perfect backdrop for a Will Ferrell movie.) The two brawled outside the bar, knocking over motorcycles parked outside the establishment. When the bikers came out, the MMA guys at the bar stooged Brian off, and they beat up him up. Brian was previously arrested by Jackson Police in February for disorderly conduct.

One mutual friend who knows Brian and me says, “It is beyond sad how things are turning out for him and you saw what happened when they tried getting him help.” Another mutual friend says: “My main question for Brian is ‘Where is the bottom for you?’ After losing countless thousands of dollars, your wife, your son, your career, etc., at what point do you realize that maybe you’re not behaving normally? Unfortunately, for some people, the bottom is when the undertaker puts the shovel down. I hope that’s not the path BC takes.”

I was told that Brian was confident that he would be rehired by WWE when meeting with John Laurinaitis at the recent SMACKDOWN! taping in Memphis. Laurinaitis instead reportedly politely brushed him off, claiming he had to speak with Vince McMahon before hiring anyone. I hear Brian didn’t do himself any favors showing up at the tapings in a T-shirt with the neck cut out and jeans with GMS (Grand Master Sexxay) printed on them.

A lot of the boys have trouble adjusting to life after stardom, and, like many of them, Brian’s problems are compounded by his apparent addictions. Emotionally, it’s clear that he hasn’t come to grips that his career on the big stage is likely over at age 37. WWE is not interested in wrestlers in their late 30s, especially one with his problems.

With his reputation for absorbing tremendous amounts of punishment in these brawls and his pattern of erratic behavior, it almost seems like Brian thinks he’s developing a “Loose Cannon”-type persona much like Brian Pillman did. But we all saw how well that turned out in the end for Pillman.

One friend close to the situation claims Brian is “beyond help.” I hope not for his sake.

PYT Express issues statement regarding death of Michael Jackson

June 26th, 2009 3 comments
pytexpress

Bittersweet brown sugar: PYTs bid farewell to the King of Pop.

“Pretty Young Things” (a.k.a. “The PYT Express”) Koko Ware and Norvell Austin held a press conference today in front of the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis to remember their mentor, the late Michael Jackson, who died from cardiac arrest yesterday at 50. In the early ’80s, with their careers stalling faster than La Toya Jackson’s solo album, Ware and veteran Austin adopted sunglasses, leather jackets, headbands and overall attitudes inspired by the King of Pop—making them instant heels with the majority of redneck fans in Memphis.


Yesterday, Ware clutched the microphone with his sparkling-glove-adorned trembling right hand and paid tribute to the man who inspired the former AWA Southern tag-team champions with not only a gimmick but also a way of life. “We always felt Michael Jackson’s presence in our corner as we battled crackers like the Fantastics–the Pat Boones of pro wrestling. Sure, the Fabulous Ones may have had Jackie Fargo, but how many gold records did that fool cut? Michael Jackson was our Berry Gordy. We lived that gimmick 24/7, always dimming the lights, just to make it right, in the night, hittin’ that lovin’ spot, giving you all that we got.”


Choking up, a visibly shaken Austin looked to that great booker in the sky and wondered aloud, “Why? Why did he have to die when he was still….pretty…young?” The PYTs closed the proceedings wishing the Jackson family a little “TLC—Tender Lovin’ Care.”


Freebird Michael Hayes, the only known redneck to moonwalk for a nationwide audience, could not be reached for comment.


How many more McMahons must die?

June 23rd, 2009 No comments

Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon, 1945 – 2007

Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon, 1945 – 2007

The news of Ed McMahon’s death hit me pretty hard today. Hard to believe it’s been a little over two years to the day that we lost Vince McMahon in a tragic car-bombing incident, captured live on the June 11, 2007, episode of Monday Night Raw. Recall one of the most shocking moments in episodic television as well as my poignant thoughts on the life and times of Mr. McMahon by clicking here.