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Ask pro wrestler Bull Pain

November 11th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments
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Bull Pain kindly asks you to refrain from talking during the movie.

Professional wrestler Bull Pain is here to answer your questions about life and love. Don’t just sit there, you pencil-necked geek. Take life by the horns–ask Bull Pain!

Dear Bull Pain,

I hate going to the movies these days because kids are always texting or talking during the movie. I always lose my temper and my wife ends up mad at ME. A few years ago, some kids were behind us  at “Sweeney Todd” and they kept giggling. They couldn’t figure out why everyone was singing in the film. I turned around and screamed “Because it’s a GODDAMNED musical!” My wife stormed off. Something similar happened recently during “The Town.” How do I handle it next time? Just keep my mouth shut and change seats? Get the manager? Drives me crazy! Help!

–Angry at the Movies in Austin

Bull Pain: Well, my friend welcome to the new generation of kids and people who just don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone or anything. They think the world revolves around them. It’s a new “me” generation who thinks we should allow them to do whatever they want, no matter how inconsiderate or just plain friggin rude it is. This of course comes from bad parenting and letting your kids do whatever they want…never giving them any consequences. Young adults nowadays think it’s all about them, and no one else matters.

This is why I seldom go to movies or restaurants or really any activity where there might be kids or young adults. Because it has been my experience that if you try and ask them to calm down and be a little bit more respectful, they will actually act out even worse and show their ass!

If as a child I would have acted like kids do today, my ass would have been worn out by my dad. Then after that I would be sent to my room—not a room like kids have today with computers and televisions and video games systems in there. Hell, if I was a kid and told to go to my room, i would love it nowadays!! No chores or responsibility…just talk on my cell phone and play video games or get on the computer and chat to all my buddies around the world. Wow!! That’s a real punishment. The last time I went to a movie i was rudely interrupted by a few young guys who thought it was necessary to yell and throw things in the theatre. When i asked the usher to calm them down, they were to scared to do anything about it. So I then asked them to please stop disrupting the movie, of course they then got even louder and started to throw things at me. Finally i couldn’t take it anymore and walked up to them with my giant popcorn and giant Slurpee. I asked them why were they acting like a bunch of punks and idiots. They just cussed me and flipped me off. I then asked the guys ‘Hey, if I get you a nice big bucket of popcorn and a giant drink, will you guys calm down? So they acted like a bunch of wise asses but eventually said yes. So I dumped my giant bucket of popcorn on their heads and then dumped my giant Slurpee all over them! They freaked out, and ran out of the theatre. The whole theatre cheered. I then watched the rest of the movie with my girl and we left. Of course, the cops were outside waiting for me and I explained what happened and even some people who were in the movies also said the kids were causing trouble. So the cop just kind of laughed and told me to get out of there.

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