Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

I was looking for an excuse to run a photo of Kelly Kelly.

WWE’s 2010 SummerSlam show came off like a sub-par episode of RAW. Overall, it was very lackluster effort creatively for what is considered the number-three PPV show for the company, especially with buy rates down considerably for the year. The Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson) return, which we (sort of) called here at the site, helped save the show.

The tone for the booking was set early. Despite being SMACKDOWN! stars, Kofi Kingston and Dirk Ziggler were attacked by the Nexus, which made zero sense, and the bout was stopped. Decent spot-fest bout between those two up until that point. With the bleached blonde hair and deep fake tan, Ziggler looks like he just stepped out of a 1988 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event…and he even bumps like Curt Hennig. I can almost tolerate the non-finish to Randy Orton/Sheamus (though something more creative would have been nice), as they are building to a PPV rematch and long program between those two since Triple H is still on the shelf; however, not delivering a clean finish for the opener was ridiculous. Even worse, while the Nexus punishes two wrestlers and brings the show to a halt, no one intervenes. Where is Team WWE? In the back, eating Slim Jims apparently. After the Nexus has their say, we cut to a cute dressing-room segment with Chris Jericho and Edge hamming it up backstage in a half-hearted attempt to convince the Miz to join the team–all played for comedy. In a shamless product placement, Edge is munching on a Slim Jim, which the Miz swipes as he exits to contemplate his decision. The mood for this segment was all wrong, especially coming off the previous scene with the Nexus. A perfect example of the lack of basic wrestling psychology of some of the individuals writing the shows.

Melina returned next wearing a feather headdress, looking like she raided Rey Mysterio’s WrestleMania wardrobe. She wore a flesh-toned outfit that wasn’t flattering at all on camera–despite the fact that she almost appeared nude at times. (Somehow, it made her look pudgy.) I must say, though, that I dug those Buzz Sawyer-like boots of hers. After winning the Divas belt from Alicia Fox and forcing tears for a would-be emotional scene (crowd was pretty quiet…but that was the story the entire night), Laycool came out taunting her. This segment absolutely died live, as Laycool are pretty bad on the mic–that’s the wrong kind of heat…channel-changing heat. Complete waste of PPV time.

Big Show vs. C.M. Punk, Joey Mercury, Luke Gallows followed in an OK bout. C.M. Punk came out wearing a T-shirt that read “I Broke Big Show’s Hand”–which Matt Striker quickly noted was a homage to Greg Valentine, who wore a “I Broke Wahoo’s Leg” shirt in the Mid-Atlantic territory after injuring Wahoo McDaniel in Raleigh, N.C., in 1977. But then Show removed his cast and revealed that his hand was just fine to no crowd reaction–sort of a curious booking decision. I still find Serena irritatingly attractive–is it just me? Big Show killed off Mercury and Gallows, pinning them both after a chokeslam, while Punk took a powder. I hope Punk moves on to a better feud soon where his talents can flourish. Nothing memorable. Seems like the Straight Edge Society never goes over–even when it’s three on one.

One of the reasons why I loved the Extreme Rules PPV was because it was a loaded show, with none of the hokey backstage segments that break my spirit when watching RAW . This show was light on matches, so we get Kane having a conversation with a casket before he’s interrupted by Sheamus. They had a verbal exchange, which years ago in the WWF would have meant they are building to an eventual confrontation in the ring. Not so today– i.e., this was likely just filler and will be forgotten about.

Miz cut a promo with some pretty bad pop-culture references by his standards (was Miz even alive during the original “Pepsi Challenge” campaign?), including going for the cheap heat by saying the Lakers will “lose” their NBA championship next season. Despite claiming for weeks now to be focused on cashing in his Money in the Back contract, Miz announced he was joining Team WWE. Again–crickets. (Man, this LA crowd was so indifferent (as usual), especially coming off the red-hot reactions in Sacramento for RAW. He was so obnoxious here that I had a feeling Cena was going to dismiss him from the team. Michael Cole marked out over the Miz–somebody’s got a man crush.

Thank you, Miz, may I have another?!

Orton and Sheamus were up next. They gave them plenty of time, which was cool. Solid bout with several near falls, but the crowd was still not with them until the very end, especially when Orton kicked out following a devastating bicycle kick. Gotta love the facial expressions of Sheamus, who’s really developing as a personality. Sheamus was disqualified when he got into a tug of war with the ref over a chair, which ended with the official taking a bump outside the ring. The finish was so lame and out of the blue that I initially suspected the bout would be restarted–it wasn’t, which is inexcusable for a WWE title bout on such a major PPV. That’s a copout finish that should be reserved for house shows or maybe RAW to build to a rematch on PPV. A brawl followed, which ended with Orton delivering an RKO on the table, which looked painful when it didn’t give way. Sheamus sold it big time, nearly unconscious in a heap on the floor. You would think that Miz would have cashed in his briefcase here (again, it’s the little details that make fans disconnect), as I can’t think of a better scenario for the would-be challenger unless Sheamus were in a coma. (See, he joins Team WWE and immediately takes his eye off the prize. Focus, Miz–focus!)

Kane vs. Mysterio was better than I expected but the crowd was really dead throughout. Despite the contrasting styles, these two have a pretty good chemistry together. Kane was really cut and looked better than I’ve seen in a while–maybe this latest push has reinvigorated him. Rey was selling his fear of the casket that Kane hauled to the ring, which was silly for the babyface. (Man, could they have choreographed ‘Taker’s return any plainer? Kane got get the pin with a chokeslam. Kane continued the assault before Taker finally popped up out of the casket, which woke up the Staples Center. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse for Mysterio, he had to beg off and meekly plead his innocence to the Undertaker, who responded, “I believe you.” (A bit odd to telegraph the “swerve” for the viewing audience, as it was clearly audible.) ‘Taker roughly helped Rey to his feet, seemingly to strike him before quickly turning his attention to Kane, which got a pop from the live crowd (who didn’t hear Taker letting Rey off the hook). Surprisingly, Kane spoiled his brother’s return with a tombstone–I was thinking ‘Taker would do his trademark rise up but he sold it big as Kane’s music hit. OK, maybe there’s life in Kane’s character after all.

Team WWE (John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho, Edge, R-Truth, John Morrison and Bret Hart) vs. Nexus (David Otunga, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver & Justin Gabriel & Skip Sheffield & Wade Barrett & Darren Young) in an elimination match. The main event was well-booked until the finish. Cool to see Bryan introduced following Cena’s dismissal of Miz, and he followed up by getting two submissions with the crossface (oh, the irony) and the crowd was into him. Cole bemoaned the absence of the Miz and ripped Bryan throughout the match, continuing their feud. (Not sure what the plan is for Cole down the road, but he’d make a tremendous heel…a natural smugness. Sort of reminds me of what Lawler told me after I turned to the dark side: “Bowden, you were so good at getting heat backstage with the boys, we figured we’d turn you heel.”) They did a great job of booking Bret Hart here, and it was nice to see the Hitman’s offensive flurry–if only he had this protected at WrestleMania. It appears that WWE thinks the strongest workers in Nexus are Slater, Barrett and Gabriel, and they all three looked good at the end. Team WWE had the momentum when Jericho (who was receiving loud ”Y2J” chants) accidentally nailed Cena and was schoolboyed. Edge was arguing with Cena when he, too, was rolled up and eliminated, quickly turning the tide. Can’t believe Matt Striker didn’t reference Jake Roberts’ DDT of Ricky Steamboat on the floor when Cena was planted. It looked devastating but Cena rallied as usual to get the win over Barrett in the end, making him tap to the STF, despite the fact that he didn’t appear to have it locked in tight under the chin. (Man, who taught Cena how to apply that hold…Erik Watts?)

This philosophy of “sending the fans home happy” should have died with the Hulk Hogan era. Seems to me, there’s plenty of money to be made with occasionally pissing off the fans…a little old-school psychology. If they had gone against the “Superman Cena finish against all odds” formula, WWE would have created a new main-event star in Wade Barrett in the process.

Ah, well. At least Cenation sleeps well tonight.

The pre-show featured clips of classic SummerSlam matches (Bret vs. Perfect, Michaels vs. Razor ladder match, etc.)–nothing on this show came close to matching one of those memorable moments.