Funk you, Brett Favre
Brett Favre has shattered Terry Funk’s record for coming out of retirement by announcing his plans yesterday to play for the Minnesota Vikings this season. Early reports indicate that that the sight of Favre in a Vikings helmet during his impromptu participation in Tuesday’s practice in Minnesota enraged Funk, who no longer holds the record for a professional athlete resuming his career.
“What’s Brett saying? He’s saying that I’m too old to come outta retirement again? He’s saying he’s better than me? He’s saying that I’m not good enough, isn’t he? That egg-suckin’ Mississippi meathead can’t get it into his thick skull that it’s time to let goooooo. You see, growing up in Amarillo, I had a dog named Ol’ Shep. Now I loved that dog, make no mistake. But, see, Shep got old—it go to the point that he was so weak, so pathetic, that he couldn’t even walk from the porch to greet me without limpin’, grimacing in pain and tripping over his own tongue. Well, that’s how Brett Favre looked last year as a Jet. Now, poor Ol’ Shep, see, he didn’t know he was too old to go on. So I had to make that decision for him. So I loaded a pistol…and I blew Shep’s brains out. Brett Favre…I still have that gun.”