Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

By John Keating, KFR guest columnist 

Don't trust this man

“We are the hot childs of the city, they do run wild and I do look pretty…”  – Michael Hayes

If you say the words “Fabulous Freebirds” to any fan of pro wrestling, most will immediately recall memories of wild brawls with the Von Erichs and a war that set Texas on fire and captured the imagination of the wrestling world. A lot of fans will point to World Class Championship Wrestling as the team’s greatest run. While there is no doubt that the Freebirds had their most famous and lucrative run in World Class, I feel that, creatively, their best was in Georgia Championship Wrestling.

The ‘Birds, fresh off a red-hot stint in Mid South, in which they blinded Junkyard Dog with the infamous Freebird Hair Removal Cream, made a surprise appearance at the Omni on October 10, 1980. During a Georgia Tag Team Title match between The Assassins and Wrestling 1 & 2, the familiar strains of Lynard Skynard’s anthem played and out came Terry, Buddy and Michael. Buddy Roberts and Terry Gordy won the titles in an early incarnation of the Three Way Dance.

One of their earliest challenges came from the newly formed team of Austin Idol and Kevin Sullivan. I always found Sullivan to be an odd babyface in Georgia, what with his strong Boston accent. Idol and Sullivan had been feuding for awhile, with the peak of the storyline occurring when Idol broke the leg of Kevin’s brother (no, not Evad). As we know, in pro wrestling, hatred soon breeds respect and Idol was making the save for Sullivan in a beatdown from The Assassins in an effort to score some karmic payback for breaking the younger Sullivan’s leg. Sullivan repays the favor later on as Idol is getting the boots put to him by Abdullah the Butcher and Mark Lewin. On an unrelated note, I love that Abby owns a restaurant. In my head, I imagine you walk in and he’s sitting in the back with a white suit and little fez atop his scarred head, looking a lot like Sydney Greenstreet in Casablanca. Of course, he’d probably have a poker chip sticking out of one of the scars, but I digress….

The teaming of Sullivan and Idol leads to one of my favorite angles ever…Four Flat Tires. The babyfaces claim the ‘Birds are ducking them, and Idol goes as far as to call them the “Jailbirds.” Not since The Universal Heartthrob dubbed Baron Von Raschke, “Baron Von Onionhead” has such a vicious insult crossed the ears of Georgia Championship Wrestling and its fans. Sullivan just calls them the “Dolly Sisters.” Finally, Kevin has an idea, producing a contract that says he and a partner of The Freebirds’ choosing will face them in a tag title match. Hayes (he was pretty much acting as a manager for Buddy and Terry as he recovered from a neck injury) likes this idea and after “dwelling it over” picks Georgia jobber Mike Davis and makes the match for the following week. Sullivan watches Hayes sign the contract and then laughs as he reveals the fine print. Yes, he will have to have Mike Davis as his partner…but the special referee will be of his choosing. Cue Austin Idol in a striped referee’s shirt and whistle as the show goes off the air.

The following week, a concerned Kevin Sullivan lets Gordon Solie know that Idol hasn’t shown. He asks for some time because “the man gave me his word that he’d be here.” You know that the man gave him his word because Sullivan says that same exact sentence about 27 times over the course of the show. No scriptwriting in those days. I recommend using this footage for a drinking game. Every time Sullivan says “the man gave his word,” take a drink. Once you wake up and get over the hangover the next day, you can go back and watch the entire thing again.

Hayes comes out to the podium and mocks Sullivan, saying that Idol had always wanted to be a Freebird but was denied. He produces a telegram that he claims is from the Heartthrob, in which Idol apologizes for going against them and states that he won’t interfere in their affairs any longer. Even Solie, calling back to Sullivan and Idol’s past, thinks that Kevin may have been the victim of a double-cross. Sullivan is undeterred, though. After all, the man gave him his word (drink).

The show progresses until finally Solie can’t buy Kevin any more time. Sullivan acquiesces and goes to the ring with Davis. In a short yet solid match, Gordy and Roberts retain the titles after Gordy hits Davis with his finisher, which is a combination of a piledriver and power bomb. It looks vicious. Davis is out and Hayes goes on a rant, blaming Sullivan for getting the kid hurt (“Sullivan, that kid is hurt because of you! He came out here and tried his hardest and because you didn’t have the guts to get in there and take the whoopin’, that’s why he’s hurt!”). Sullivan comes back out and starts a pull-apart brawl with Hayes. Solie plays his part perfectly here, trying to console Sullivan and looking like a father who has to let his son learn a hard life lesson about trusting the wrong people.

Freddie Miller runs in to inform Gordon that, finally, Austin Idol is in the building! Idol comes in with ref shirt in hand and demands that they get the tag title match underway. Solie scolds him and says the match already took place and demands to know how he can show his face here. Confused, Idol replies: “Sure, I’m showing my face. All the pretty women want to see this beautiful, gorgeous, sexy face.” Idol then goes on to explain to Gordon that he was late because he had to fix a flat tire. Michael Hayes tries to cool the situation down and tells Idol that he told everyone about his telegram. Idol scoffs at the notion of him wanting to be a Freebird (“That’s like Ronald Regan saying he wants to be John Anderson”).

This irks Hayes some and it’s here that he makes his fatal mistake. He tries to tell Idol that the match is already over and done with and blurts out “I guess it would take some time to fix four flat tires…” Idol interrupts: “Wait a minute, what did you just say? I said I had *a* flat tire; I didn’t say nothing about four flat tires!” The jig is up and Hayes discovered as the tire-flattening culprit. Idol throws some bombs at Hayes and here come Terry, Buddy and Sullivan for a Pier 6 brawl.

The reason I love this angle so much is because it shows pro wrestling at its best. WWE and TNA often state how their shows are about the characters and stories but they rarely accomplish what they set out to do. Here you have two weeks of TV shows (and really, ¾ of the angle takes place on one week’s show) that are completely about the characters of the wrestlers involved. The Freebirds playing chicken heels, Sullivan standing up for a man who he believes is going to live up to his word, Idol as the cavalry without ever losing his clueless, self-absorbed persona and finally Solie, as the patriarch of the whole situation. He comments on past dealings with the men and makes logical comments that really forward the story. It’s true characterization.The angle ends with a bloodied Idol and Sullivan flanking Solie. Gordon apologizes to Idol and says that, at this point in time, Sullivan’s faith in Idol has been vindicated. After all, the man gave him his word.

John Keating is a professional stand-up comic/actor/cartoonist and all-around snappy dresser. You can learn more about him and check out his comic strip, “Breaking the Ice,” at www.johnkeating.biz 

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I can’t help but think of what have been if recording artists “Handsome” Jimmy Valiant and Jerry Lawler had formed a band with Idol in the late ’70s. (The Handsome Heartthrob Kings?) This can only help Idol’s chances to become the next mayor of Tampa.

File under Austin Idol and Jerry Lawler.

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Like Jerry Lawler, most of my childhood interests were intertwined, with each indirectly leading to or affecting the other, and ultimately, guiding us both to professional wrestling. Comic books were my first love, The Amazing Spider-Man, in particular; I was mesmerized as Web-Head battled his colorful heels gallery, including the Green Goblin, the Lizard, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio, Dr. Octopus and, yes, even the Hypno Hustler, who had the ability to hypnotize victims at discos with the the musical stylings of his guitar and backup band, The Mercy Killers. (This was the ’70s after all.) My fascination with larger-than-life superheroes led me to purchasing my first rock album: KISS’ “Destroyer.”

You wanted the best, you got the best: The face-paint gimmick helped make Kiss the hottest band in the world.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that album cover at the Kmart on Summer Avenue in Memphis: here were superheroes who could sing and play electric guitar. No wonder Gene Simmons was my favorite, as he could also spit blood and blow fire, which should have made him a legit candidate for the X-Men. I recall that my mother wasn’t enthusiastic when she found the album as she was certain that the art depicted the band dancing in hell, the devil’s playground. Being a quick-thinking lad who had listened to the first track repeatedly, I assured her that it wasn’t hell but Detroit...as in Rock City. (Granted, most people who have visited Detroit would argue the differences are negligible.)

Given my different interests, I couldn’t have picked a better place to be a pro wrestling fan, as Spider-Man, The Kisser (Danny Davis dressed up as Gene Simmons) and Darth Vader all took time out of their busy schedules in the ’70s to wrestle in Memphis. Looking back, whenever these characters made an appearance, it was almost assuredly a sign that Jerry Lawler had taken the reins of the booking duties away from Jerry Jarrett. (The two Tennessee stars traded booking duties every six months to keep things fresh.) Lawler today claims the boys always knew when Jarrett was back in control when they saw their payoffs shrink, something the longtime Memphis promoter denies.

In that same vein, I was awestruck the first time I saw The Road Warriors on WTBS. By that time, the Roadies’ gimmick had already evolved from two guys appearing fresh from a leather bar to post-apocalyptic madmen complete with face paint and Mohawks.

Y-M-C-A: With the Roadies wearing black leather chaps and hats in the early days, fans in Atlanta kept looking around for the Construction Worker, the Indian and the Cop.

Looking like KISS on Hulk Hogan vitamins (though not likely saying many prayers), Hawk (Michael Hegstrand) and Animal (Joe Laurinatis) pounded (some might say potatoed) their way into my imagination as wrestling’s most dominant tag team. Not surprisingly, Jerry Lawler (also a huge KISS fan) fell in love with the guys, building them up for months in the area wrestling programs, warning fans that the Road Warriors were indeed making their way to Memphis. (Lawler would eventually go as far as creating his own Memphis version of the gimmick in 1984, Road Warrior Humongous, who was Mike “the Mule” Stark under a hockey mask.)

I was so taken with the Warriors when I was 15 that I awarded Hawk the No. 1 slot in his “Top-10 Best Conditioned Wrestlers,” a list that was published in THE WRESTLER and PRO WRESTLING ILLUSTRATED. (The Apter mags had been encouraging fans to send in their unofficial rankings to publish along with their usual “Official Wrestler Ratings,” for which I believe they drew names out of a hat.) I also included my “Top-10 Worst Conditioned Wrestlers,” with Dusty Rhodes beating out Abdullah the Butcher, The One Man Gang and Kamala for top honors. (I have no idea how I arrived at those rankings, as Dusty at least wrestled dozens of one-hour Broadways.) Ironically enough, I believe that the Worst Conditioned list at this point has a better mortality rate than my Best Conditioned, with Uncle Elmer (Stan “Plowboy” Frazier) the only one expired on the Worst list. The late Rick Rude, a buddy of Hawk’s from Minnesota, was also on my Best list, along with the late Kerry Von Erich.

Meanwhile, The Roadies were devouring teams on the SuperStation and not just jobbers like Mike Jackson (a school teacher from Alabama and one of my all-time fave job guys) and Randy Barber (a classic jabroni name). Hawk and Animal (for a time referred to as “Road Warrior No. 1″ and “Road Warrior No. 2″ by announcer Gordon Solie) were dominating established area stars like Mr. Wrestling I and II (legendary figures), Jack and Jerry Brisco, and Tommy Rich and Pez Whatley. They were also hitting their stride as personalities. In a promo leading up to the clash with Wrestling I and II, Hawk threatened, “We’ll rip your masks off Warrior-style–with your heads still in them!”

Gas Crunch: With Ole Anderson booking, Animal and Hawk would have squashed these Road Warriors in under five minutes.

In part, they were booked in short, one-sided matches out of desperation by Ole Anderson, who paired up the two muscle-bound students of Minnesota-based trainer Eddie Sharkey in hopes of creating two new stars to boost the promotion’s waning popularity. Anderson’s formula of instructing Hawk and Animal to pound their foes into submission without selling their opponents’ offense did indeed make them stars, and did so without exposing them for the sloppy greenhorns that they initially were.

Precious memories: A bit of a paradox that Animal and Hawk were paired with a manager nicknamed "Precious Paul."

The Warriors were also given a manager, “Precious” Paul Ellering, who was a nice contrast to the two, always carrying around a copy of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL at ringside. The Roadies fired him on cable TV before eventually realigning themselves with Ellering, also a Minnesota native, who legit took on a lot of their business and travel affairs, like a real manager would.

Ellering also managed King Kong Bundy, Jake Roberts and The Spoiler . The entire stable, which included the Warriors, was known as The Legion of Doom, a name taken from the crew of super villains on the ABC cartoon “CHALLENGE OF THE SUPERFRIENDS.”

Incidentally, for the record, no matter what a future Lawler DVD might claim, I only served an on-air role for the King. I never once made travel arrangements, scouted opponents, made runs to KFC, perused female personal ads or lined up tee times. More on that later.

The dastardly duo finally arrived in Memphis in December 1983 for a big card at the Mid-South Coliseum, which also included the first-ever bout between Jerry Lawler and longtime ICW-outlaw rival Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Aware of the Fabs’ amazing popularity in the area (and the potential for money-making rematches). the Roadies didn’t annihilate Stan and Steve, selling more than usual after initially dominating the bout with their usual repertoire of kicks, punches and overhead bench-press slams. The Fabs and the Roadies battled to a double countout and would later meet in a few more inconclusive matches at the Coliseum.

Hawk and Animal were less than understanding a year and a half later when Verne Gagne asked them to drop the AWA belts to the Fabs. Their response: “Hmmm, how about instead we just beat the hell out of them?” And that’s what they did, leading to a no-contest. It was probably the right call, as it’s my understanding the fans were booing the Fabs out of the building during their matches with the Roadies in Minnesota. Amazingly enough, Hawk and Animal did drop the belts to Jimmy Garvin and Steve Regal (no, not WWE’s Steven Regal) on their way out to Jim Crockett Promotions. Before that, they also dropped their National tag titles to Ron Garvin and Jerry Oates on their way to Verne, which is laughable. Can’t imagine the Georgia fans–or anyone for that matter–buying that. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Lawler had bigger plans for the Roadies in Memphis, namely a feud with the King and Austin Idol. Hawk later reportedly always thanked Lawler for the buildup they received in Memphis, especially the fact that Lawler set up the spot in which Hawk no-sold the piledriver in front of a stunned Coliseum crowd, which I detailed in my last post. Again, you have to understand how over the piledriver was in Memphis. It was the only hold “barred” in the state of Tennessee, so in the fans’ eyes it was nearly as lethal as a handgun. Thankfully, I didn’t break my buddy Robbie Jewell’s neck when I piledrove him in the 6th grade. Likewise, Animal and Hawk showed that same respect, selling Lawler’s punches like crazy after the King pulled down the strap in his comeback.

Minnesota Wrecking Crew: AWA Southern champion Rick Rude and his high-school buddies appeared often in Memphis

Lawler and Idol were even allowed a pinfall over the Roadies, albeit in bullshit fashion, with Lawler rolling up Animal on a restart and ref Jerry Calhoun counting a little fast, a Mid-South Coliseum match that later aired on the SuperStation to build up rematches in Atlanta and in parts of Ohio. Funny: In their bouts with Lawler and Idol, the Roadies would take turns pressing them over their heads, while the crowd chanted “De-Fense!” repeatedly, which was a popular chant at Memphis State University basketball games. The chant may have been started by MSU players, who were in attendance at one of the matches between the two teams in July 1984, along with future heel-manager great Scott Bowden.

Although other promoters (including Ole) would try to copy that formula by taking two oversized nobodies and pushing them to the moon despite their inexperience (Kevin Nash as part of the Master Blasters immediately comes to mind), the gimmicks rarely got over with fans. Hawk and Animal were innovators, the originals, and the fans believed in them because they worked the gimmick to perfection. The two evolved into capable workers, able to have great matches when booked with the right opponents. And their promos were always intense, with Animal barking vows of punishment, while Hawk added his own twisted brand of comedy, with the catchphrase “Ooooohhh, whattttaaa ruuushh!” becoming a staple of their gimmick, right along with their “Iron Man” theme by Black Sabbath. (Later, a knock-off theme had to be used to avoid a copyright grudge bout with Ozzy and the boys.)

Some even say Hawk hard-lived the gimmick, resigning himself to the fact that he was going to die young anyway from the years of substance abuse on his body–a self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one. Sadly, a couple of years after cleaning up his life, Hawk died in his sleep October 19, 2003, following a day of moving heavy furniture into his new house in Florida. He was 46.

The two longtime friends had one of the most (if not the most) celebrated tag-team careers in history, winning the World championships of the AWA, the NWA and WWE–the only duo to accomplish this feat. Their influence on the business cannot be disputed, though opinions differ on whether or not it was a positive one, what with the glut of untalented, over-pushed imitators who followed Hawk and Animal.

Legendary likenesses by Mattel: I can't wait to rub the spikes into the eyes of Mattel's new Dusty figure.

Their legacy lives on in today. The WWE’s DVD release in 2005, ROAD WARRIORS, THE LIFE AND DEATH OF THE MOST DOMINANT TAG TEAM IN WRESTLING HISTORY, chronicled the rise and fall of the two childhood friends. Hawk and Animal have been immortalized in the form of Jakks’ action figures as part of the Classic Superstars line, and they will be included in the first set of Legends figures from Mattel available this fall. (Interesting that despite being “WWE Legends,” the Mattel figures depict the team from their NWA days and their packaging reads “Road Warrior Animal” and “Road Warrior Hawk.” Only in death, Hawk receives billing as a Road Warrior by Vince McMahon’s machine, as for years the two were billed as the Legion of Doom in Titanland to avoid confusion with The Ultimate Warrior, one of McMahon’s knockoffs of their gimmick, along with Axe and Smash, a.k.a. Demolition.

Better late than never, I suppose, as Hawk and Animal are the only true Warriors in the business in the eyes of old marks like me.

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