Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

Dead aim: The Hitman has Mr. McMahon in his sights.

Last night’s RAW finalized the Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart bout at WrestleMania XXVI, with the wonderfully slimy Chairman of the Board taunting the “injured” Hitman and goading him into a bout on the biggest show of the year despite the five-time WWF champion’s “broken leg.” The company would have been far better off, at least from a believability standpoint, had Bret come out on crutches a few weeks ago claiming to have injured his leg doing squats in the gym (or whatever), rather than the contrived backstage segment in which his leg was seemingly crushed in a freak car accident. (Which was about as realistic as last night’s guests hosts, Cheech and Chong, getting high off psychedelic Lucky Charms in a scene that made “Up in Smoke” look like high-brow comedy.)

It’s unclear whether the injury angle was executed to hide Bret’s shortcomings in the ring when the bout finally comes off or if (most likely) it will be revealed to be a swerve staged to trick McMahon into a match. (I can only hope Criss Angel—next week’s guest host on RAW—doesn’t magically cure Bret’s leg in yet another hokey segment.)

Injury angle aside, both McMahon and Hart have been excellent in their roles. With the exception of a few scripted references to “the WWE Universe,” Bret reportedly has been encouraged to improvise and speak from his heart, with McMahon responding in kind.  At times, it’s come off like McMahon is unloading on his former champion with every snide knock that HBK ever uttered about Hart behind closed doors in 1997. Michaels, who by most accounts has sincerely manned up and accepted responsibility for being an asshole back in his heyday, was notorious for talking shit about Hart in the mid-’90s, even  claiming on the air that Bret was having an alleged affair with Sunny. Likewise, Hart says that he not only didn’t respect Shawn in the ‘90s but he also questioned his sexuality. This real-life personal and professional jealousy was great for business and was no different than say, Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee back in 1977, in fueling the fire for their feud. Make no mistake: The initial Lawler/Dundee feud was very personal, with each badmouthing  the other to the boys and to the fans constantly.  In fact, Jerry Jarrett says they both worked very stiff, basically beating the shit out of each other, to see who would break. But hey, back in those days, that was all viewed as “good for the business.” (OK, so nobody ever pulled the other’s hair out in the locker room, but Lawler did shave Bill and Bev’s heads in the ring.)

In return, Hart has fired back with legit gripes he had with the way his former boss treated him, in particular, all the lies and false promises as well his unceremonious departure from the Former Fed, i.e., the Montreal Screwjob. I’m really happy for Bret that his promos since his return have been solid, as he really hit his stride in 1997 before WCW cut his legs out from under him with Eric Bischoff’s and Vince Russo’s lame material.  Loved last night’s line when Bret initially answered McMahon’s challenge with, “I have a broken leg, you idiot!” (That got a pop from the crowd as well.)

Pretty damn cool shot on RAW to see Hart in a ring with the huge WrestleMania XXVI logo hanging in the background—I almost thought that day would never come.

With John Cena vs. McMahon set for next week’s RAW, I suppose there’s still a chance we’ll instead get a tag bout at WrestleMania, with Hart/Cena vs. Mr. McMahon/Batista. (Incidentally, the Animal is showing more poise and personality in his latest heel role than at any point in his career.) Some have even speculated the tag match will include the WWE title being on the line, with Hart somehow screwing Batista out of the belt and ending his WWE career in ironic fashion. Sounds ridiculous to me, but this is the WWE Universe (man, I despise that term for some reason) after all. Besides, a single bout with Cena vs. Batista is far more compelling, as that storyline is playing up their rivalry with each man winning the company’s top titles at WrestleMania 21 after getting called up to the big leagues from OVW at around the same time.

File under Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon

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Black hearts: Brian Lawler and the late Eddie Gilbert sporting the Hart Foundation's colors in Memphis.

Who says I don’t know how to show a woman a good time? (OK, besides Ms. Texas, a.k.a. Jacquelyn Moore?) With the weekly USWA wrestling show at the Mid-South Coliseum falling on February 14, 1996, my longtime girlfriend spent Valentine’s Day evening in the stands with the other 2,700 fans in attendance, waiting for me to get off work so we could share a romantic late-night burger at Huey’s Midtown.

Billed as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, the show featured the main event of babyfaces Jerry Lawler and Jeff Jarrett beating heels The Undertaker and Bret Hart by disqualification. The undercard saw Brian Lawler beat Tommy Rich (managed by yours truly) and Doug Gilbert (with me in his corner) beating Tex Slazenger in a bullrope match. I also guided the team of Jesse James Armstrong and Tracy Smothers to a USWA tag title victory over those two Frayser High School dropouts PG-13. (Results courtesy of http://www.prowrestlinghistory.com.)

As always during my Memphis days, the real fun was backstage. Brian Lawler, whom I suppose forgot that the WWF heavyweight champion was appearing on the show, wore pink and black tights and trunks. While Brian was in the ring for a battle royal (won by Spellbinder) Jerry Lawler took great delight pointing out Brian’s familiar color scheme for the evening to the Hitman. When Brian walked through the curtain after being eliminated from the royal, Bret was waiting for him, saying in mock disgust, “What…are you using the Sharpshooter now too?” Not missing a beat, Brian deadpanned, “Yeah, but Bret you roll to the right when you apply it; I go left.” We all cracked up at that exchange.

Although Bret appeared to be disinterested in being in Memphis on what otherwise would have been a night off for him, he was cordial to everyone, showing incredible patience with Reggie B. Fine, who was bugging the Hitman and the Undertaker to have their photos taken with him so he could sell pictures of himself with the WWF superstars at Mrs. Coffee’s gimmick table in the weeks to come.

I’m thinking that I faced off against Downtown Bruno on this show as well, though the result was not listed. (Probably because it barely qualified as a match.) Bruno and I were in the middle of a Valentine’s Day feud over his wife, Karen, who was allegedly sending me cards, candy…and…even A POEM!

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Slobberknocker: McMahon spits on the legacy of his former World champion.

The Vince McMahon/Bret Hart program heated up last night (2/1/10) and provided what appears to be the direction they’re headed going into WrestleMania. First, a minor point: A certain edge is lost with McMahon calling the shots as to when Hart appears. When McMahon a few weeks ago vowed that Hart would never again appear on WWE TV, it would have added to the storyline’s sense of realism (and much of the content in the promos thus far has been reality-based or derivative of negative thoughts or feelings that the parties involved may have had in past) had the Hitman at least tried to crash the party and counterattack the chairman of the board.  That is, it would have been effective to see Hart held at bay by McMahon’s security force or cronies before John Cena’s memorable impassioned plea for McMahon to reconsider “allowing” Hart to appear. (Incidentally, that Cena promo was fantastic and illustrates what he’s capable of with the right material. He’s going to make one hell of a heel when they finally turn him in a few years. )

Last night’s RAW segment finished strong after getting off to a shaky start with guest host William Shatner. The earlier swerve with McMahon confronting an unseen Canadian, who turned out to be Shatner, was fine, but his “comedy” bit tripping over Jerry Lawler was distracting right before this crucial segment. (I must say, though, that Shatner’s spoken word bit, in particular his take on HBK’s “Sexy Boy” theme and Rey Mysterio’s entrance music, was the funniest stuff on RAW in months.) 

Hart’s threats to kick McMahon’s ass (which thankfully did not make an on-camera appearance) brought back memories of the Hitman’s final run WWE during the Attitude era, but was a little repetitive from what they did to start the angle a month ago, when he called out “Vinnie.” From there, it picked up. Hart looked a lot better physcially this time around and came off much cooler, with his hair cut and slicked back like his glory days. I have it on good authority that throughout the afternoon prior to his return appearance on 1/04/10, certain WWE personnel were trying to convince Bret to dye his hair, which he refused. (Hmmm…I wonder if that explains the awful dye job Roddy Piper was sporting on RAW not too long ago.) It appears Hart may had second thoughts after seeing himself on TV, as his hair last night more closely resembled his old look and he appeared to have hit the tanning bed as well. Personally, I didn’t think he looked awful upon his return–a little run-down, but that’s to be expected at his age, especially after the career he’s had (the travel, his physical in-ring style, etc.) and the stroke. Ditching the shorts in favor of contemporary jeans was a step in the right direction as well. (Apparently, prior to his 1/4 appearance, Hart was wearing jeans all day. He slipped into the shorts moments before they went on the air, which surprised some people when he walked out to his revamped entrance music, despite the fact that he occasionally wore shorts during the last incarnation of the Hart Foundation in ‘97.)

The Hitman’s words were heartfelt as he called out McMahon for the littany of promises his longtime boss broke over the years. In an emotional moment, Hart said McMahon’s gut shot (which looked more like a low blow, which was an accident) made him feel pathetic…much like when he sat in a wheelchair for so many months following his stroke. This was strong, effective stuff. While it’s pretty clear that Bret was reciting scripted material, he clearly at least had some input in this portion. When Bret finally came into his own as a promo guy in ‘96 and ‘97, he had a way of channeling his emotions in making every interview seem like an extension of his real-life frusrtations–which came pretty easily, I suppose, since he was usually talking about Shawn Michaels and/or being underappreciated.

McMahon responded with quite possibly every single snide knock that he, HBK and Triple H must have ever uttered as part of their attempts to character assassinate the Hitman over the years: no charisma, unpolished promo skills, that sad “hounddog” look on his face,  etc. (Knock him all you want–and I often do–but McMahon is simply amazing as a heel.) Hart stood there patiently, cooly asking, “Are you finished?” Finally, he snapped with a flurry of punches, pulling McMahon’s suit jacket over his head like a hockey fight breaking out and going for his classic Sharpshooter finisher as the crowd erupted. (Funny…Vinnie’s loafer came off in Bret’s hand as he placed McMahon into position. Hart  adlibbed and threw it at him.) Bret was a little tentative at first in this flurry, understandably so, until his adrenaline kicked in as the crowd cheered.

Batista then blindsided Hart to prevent him from applying the hold. Really, Batista was almost overly cautious with his punches, which looked lame on TV, but I suppose it’s clear that they aren’t taking any chances with Hart, whom I doubt will be working any type of match with McMahon.  He then held Hart while McMahon taunted him and spit in his face–a receipt for Montreal. The fans were pretty hot for this, chanting loudly for Cena to make the save. (And Cena did, once the show was off the air.)

This appears to be shaping up to be Batista w/McMahon in his corner vs. Cena w/Hart at Mania with some kind of stipulation. Some have speculated that Hart could possibly work a street fight with McMahon, but that doesn’t appear to be the case, judging from last night. I suppose it’s possible they could hide Hart in a tag match (man, that was uncomfortable typing those words), but that scenario has the possibility of coming off a little sad. Still, this should make for some damn interesting TV in the weeks ahead.

Incidentally, for those younger fans still confused over the McMahon/Hart issue, I highly recommend the excellent documentary Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows, which features the entire conversation between the two prior to the Montreal Screwjob. It’s available at amazon.com for $17.49. Riveting stuff. Click the link below to order. Bret’s bio also has the scoop, albeit from his viewpoint; it’s also one of the best wrestling books I’ve ever read.

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