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Meltdown–the worst pro wrestling interview of all time: #1 Lex Luger declares war on Billy What’s-his-name, tight black T-shirt

October 21st, 2010 8 comments

As we’ve traversed the treacherous road of the worst wrestling promos of all time, we’ve marveled at the muscle-head mumblings of Scott Doring. We’ve sat in awe, overcome with envy, as the most gorgeous man in the history of Arkansas outlaw wrestling taunted us and teased our women. And we’ve slipped quips from the likes of Sid Vicious and George Gulas into our everyday conversations as if they were our own.

As we examine the worst wrestling promos of all time, let us not forget the men who helped pave this pitiful path. Like the stars of the IPW Stratosphere: Jumping” Jeff Farmer™, Motley Cruz™, Bulldozer™, Tony the Spider™, Richie Rouge™ and “Dynamite” Keith Watkins.™  (Click here to watch these pros in action.) I’ll say this about the IPW–at least the creative forces behind the promotion didn’t shamelessly reinforce negative stereotypes of Native Americans and other minorities like so many other major promotions (and the Washington Redskins) with cartoon gimmicks over the years, as this promo from the tag-team Mighty Nation illustrates. (Ric Flair, Ron Garvin, Wahoo McDaniel and Johnny Valentine only wished they could deliver razor-sharp chops like this Indian duo.)

I would be remiss if I also did not pay homage to the likes of the USWA’s Spirit of America, who made it his mission in the early ’90s to clean up parks throughout the greater Memphis area (in his wrestling gear no less) with the help of kids eager to spend their weekends picking up garbage with their parents. I’m glad the “Keep America Beautiful” crying Indian isn’t alive to see how Eric Embry and Tony Falk conspired to foil the work of the Spirit and his little spirits. (I can’t help but think of what the IPW’s Standing Bear would say about all this.) Nothing can put a damper on the Spirit’s Memphis debut in the eyes of announcer Dave Brown, who is clearly moved by the part-time wrestler/garbageman’s patriotism.

Selecting the worst promo of all time was no easy task. For every Nature Boy, there’s a Golden Boy. For every Steve Austin, there’s a Lex Luger. Ah, yes, the Total Package. Never has a promo so emphatically helped close the final chapter on a man’s career than Luger’s interview in 2004 for something called the Cyberspace Wrestling Federation, conducted by a guy who looks like a cross between Willy Wonka and a North Memphis pimp. (OK, so the tragic death of Elizabeth Hulette and his multiple DUIs, drug-related arrests and stroke didn’t help, either.) While never a strong promo, Luger sinks to new lows with this abomination, which is easily the worst promo ever conducted by a one-time major superstar (with the possible exception of the Ultimate Warrior)–and my selection as the worst pro wrestling interview of all time.