Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

Need money now? Creditors breathing down your pimply neck? The Hulk's got your back, brother! (This clown's going to need cash--and lots of it--if he expects to get laid.)

I was contemplating my finances (i.e., wondering how I can persuade you marks visiting the site to click on a few ads) while driving to KFR Headquarters in Santa Monica this morning, when Hulk Hogan suddenly burst through my speakers to announce that he had the cash I needed…today! (OK–kidding. I’m from Germantown, so you know I don’t need the money. However, I am considering that rather expensive pec-replacement surgery in Beverly Hills a la former Memphis wrestling alum The Rock, so an extra payoff wouldn’t hurt.)

According to the Huckster, all I have to do is put my TITLE on the line, brother–my car title! In a spiel that’s shameful even by pro wrestling’s standards, during the radio ad for 1-800-Loan-Mart, Hogan encourages  ”all my Hulkamaniacs to visit their Web site–do it today, brother!” He proceeds to say “brother” three more times in the 30-second spot while reassuring folks that they won’t necessarily lose their car by accepting a loan with their title as collateral. It was so bad, it came off like a sports-talk parody.

I have to admit: Other than Ric Flair, there’s not a man whose financial advice I value more than Hogan. (The Hulk also recommends that all of you Hulkamaniacs rush out to Rent-A-Center after your car-title loan is processed.) Sheesh–and you thought those Hulk ads with Troy Aikman were bad.

After arriving at my office, I googled “Hulk Hogan” and “car loan”–I was not disappointed. (In defense of Jimmy Hart, this is a step up from Wrestlicious.) I can’t help but think that shortly after the Hulk and Hart take off in this clip below, the Nasty Boys show up to rob these jabronis of their cash and their Jeep. I can’t wait for the next ad, which will reportedly feature Ted DiBiase Sr. waving cash in front of some poor sap shining his shoes with a toothbrush when Hogan shows up to save the day and bellowing, “Not everybody has a price, brother!” (Sure they do–just sign the car-title loan agreement.)

Click on pen to

"I tell ya, I get no respect, no respect."

As most rasslin’ fans know, the Gentrys formed in Memphis in 1963 as a seven-man band, including one skinny kid who would go on to become the Mouth of the South: the city’s own Jimmy Hart. While the Gentrys’ debut album, “Keep On Dancing,” barely made the Top 100, the title cut climbed to No. 4 on the Billboard charts. The group originally featured Larry Raspberry as their lead singer, with early keyboardist Rick Allen later joining The Box Tops. Riding their small wave of fame, the Gentrys opened for such bands as the Beach Boys, The Shangri-Las and Sonny and Cher. (I’m unable to confirm if Sonny inspired Hart to grow a mustache.). The Gentrys disbanded in 1966; however, Hart reformed the band in 1969. With Hart now on lead vocals, the Gentrys recorded an album for the legendary Memphis-based Sun label, which also released early recordings of Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Cash. The Sun album, a turn-of-the-decade, hard-rock record, generated another three Top-100 hits. (For more on Hart’s transformation to pop star to rasslin’ baddie, click here.)

Hart’s greatest lyrical work, however, may be the following song, which was immortalized in a 1983 music video that aired on Memphis TV–decidedly classier than promotional specials featuring heartthrobs The Fabulous Ones and the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express. A touching tribute to a woman Hart once loved who was perfect, except for one flaw…(well, three, if you include Librace’s smile and Herschel Walker’s thighs).

Click on pen to

Road Warrior Hawk no-sells a Jerry Lawler piledriver in Memphis.

On the Wrestling Classics message board (highly recommended old-school wrestling forum), a poster recently asked the community: “So who are the kings of no-selling offense? The guys who deliberately no sell in the right places to emphasize their toughness–not the ones who forget to sell because they’re not very good” (e.g., Kevin Von Erich).

Quite possibly the best example of this can be found at the 54-second mark of this video.

By the way, this was Jerry Lawler’s idea for Hawk to no-sell the piledriver in Memphis. Lawler’s flinching reaction when Hawk taunts him after quickly getting back on his feet is classic as well. It was rare to see anyone kick out after a King-sized piledriver (I think Bill Dundee and Nick Bockwinkel were the exceptions and that was only after a ref bump) in his heyday, let alone pop back up like this. The Warriors were already over huge in Memphis, but this spot cemented Hawk’s status as a monster. This must have been a no-disqualification bout, as the piledriver was an automatic DQ in Memphis. (This “rule” helped get the hold over as being extremely dangerous. After all, if all the brawling and mayhem that usually went on in Memphis rings largely went unpunished without a DQ then in the minds of Memphis fans it was believed that the piledriver must just about kill a man.) Hawk was always thankful to Lawler for this spot and frequently brought it up in front of the boys.

By the way, if you’re wondering who the hell thought it would be a good idea for the Road Warriors to cut a song, the answer should be obvious: Jimmy Hart, who also wrote the lyrics.

FORGET HBK: JOIN THE KFR “KLIQUE”:

File under Jerry Lawler.

Click on pen to