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Matt Hardy commits career suicide

August 30th, 2011 1 comment

Toilet humor: Despite flushing away his career, Matt Hardy never dies.

I haven’t been this upset since Vince McMahon was tragically killed with a car bomb during a live episode of Monday Night RAW. Below is Matt Hardy’s “suicide note,” posted on YouTube and tweeted to his followers earlier this evening. (I love how a Google Ad Sense banner ad pops up midway through the video, as if to say, “This suicide has been brought to you by FansEdge.com–your one-stop source for authentic jerseys, caps, tees and hoodies this NFL season.”) And really, I don’t think that font was nearly ominous enough; c’mon, Matt, don’t behave like this is your first suicide–you’ve been here before, so act like it.

I have to assume this means the old Matt Hardy is dead, and he’s been reborn a la Vince Russo. Sort of like how the Undertaker always “dies” and comes back with a new wrinkle in his gimmick. How can I be so cold? Maybe it’s this tweet from his sister-in-law, Beth (Jeff’s wife): “When the cops show up to our house at 11 pm, for a ‘suicide call’ the fucking joke is over @MATTHARDYBRAND. Stop trying to work the Internet. I guess you got what you wanted. Everyone is talking about you, again. But it’s not in a good way.”

And here I thought Kevin Nash powerbombing CM Punk at SummerSlam was a terrible finish….

UPDATE 8/31/11: The Fayetteville Observer is reporting it was all a hoax, a personal joke among Matt and his followers worldwide, so get over it, haters! Shocking! Brilliant! A modern-day Orson Welles crossed with Andy Kaufman that Matt Hardy. His suicide note has already been deleted by YouTube for violating its terms of service and let’s hope Twitter banishes him as well. I’ve since removed the note/video as well and replaced it with a song that’s only fitting.

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Matt Hardy is doing swell

August 23rd, 2011 No comments

Clean and sober.

For a brief time (the “Mattitude Era”), Matt Hardy was one of my favorite WWE performers, despite his limited push. Like most, I’d also been blown away by his tag-team performances years earlier with his brother, Jeff, as well, when the longtime fans-turned-wrestlers risked their health for death-defying moves never before seen.

So naturally, despite Matt’s weird behavior over the last 24 months, I was concerned for his physical and mental well-being when I learned of his recent car accident and subsequent firing from TNA. The wrestler smashed his Corvette into a tree in North Carolina on Saturday and was taken into custody because authorities believed he was drunk. (Outrageous, I know.)

Turns out, I need not have worried.

According to Matt, everything’s cool, haters. In fact, life couldn’t be better, according to this statement Hardy released:

“When the side windows glass smashed into my face, arms and neck, some of the blood that did felt almost angelic. I went from being afraid to die to feeling like I was almost being reborn with some sort of an ABSOLUTE PURE LIFE-FORCE. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. I felt like I’d just received the blood of an angel flowing inside me–I know this sounds crazy!  Due to these, I only have urges to help people. And miraculously, all my vices are gone.”

Sounds like a hell of a gimmick. (Who wrote this promo…Vince Russo?) Geez, I hope Matt checks himself into the nearest rehab facility when his head clears. Personally, as someone who’s been close to those in recovery, at least part of what he was rambling about sounds somewhat grounded in the roots of A.A.’s 12-step program, which might be Matt’s only hope at this point.

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