Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

Hogan and TNA declare Monday Night War.

As Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff prepare to launch their second shot in Monday Night War II, WWE is marching toward the home stretch of their biggest show of the year with the most loaded WrestleMania card in recent memory. With the exceptions of the always-lame comedy skits on RAW, which have actually gotten worse with professional actors in guest-hosting roles, and the absurdity of the Bret Hart leg injury, WWE television has been largely clicking on all cylinders while TNA enters tonight with a whimper after two straight weeks of overall lousy, illogical TV further hindered by the overexposure of Bischoff and, to a lesser extent, Hogan.  With interest peaking in WWE, TNA couldn’t have picked a worse time to go head to head, so it’s imperative Hogan and Co. present a mix of wrestling, intriguing storylines and solid promos to establish or advance the storylines. I imagine new signee RVD will be thrust into a major storyline tonight, perhaps as the evening’s first “surprise,” despite the fact this his signing is all over Internet. And I hope they’ve figured out something for Jeff Hardy to do other than climb a hideous steel structure.

Specifically, here’s what I feel they must do:

1. Beat WWE in the ring: Start the show with a hot opening match that’s given enough time to build–not a long, drawn-out segment with Hogan and Bischoff threatening the McMahon machine. Ironically, TNA’s biggest asset, their in-ring talent, is probably the least emphasized facet each week on iMPACT. With WWE’s show likely to open with a talk-heavy segment, TNA would be wise to showcase their one element that can outperform Vince & Co, especially since most RAW matches are limited to under three minutes. The Monday night timeslot has been a long time coming and the goal of Jeff Jarrett since Spike TV first gave TNA a shot. But do something really historic: Deliver a hot show in the ring that makes WWE’s product look lame by comparison. TNA will never beat WWE on production values, storylines and presentation, so beat them in the ring. But with Dixie Carter and Co. promising something major in the first five minutes, I’m fairly certain what they have in mind isn’t a great wrestling match. Specifically, the company would do well to kick off with two stars that are recognizable and bankable in the ring, say, Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson, who are currently involved in one of the more interesting storylines the company has at the moment. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t see too many people switching away from an Angle match to see Randy Orton or Vince running their mouths. During his ECW days, Paul Heyman used to say he could never compete with WWE on presentation, so he focused on his strengths. I’d advise TNA to do the same.

2. Act like you’ve been there–even if you haven’t: Limit the carnival-barking about this “historic night.” To WWE, it’s just another night, with the exception of continuing the all-important build toward WrestleMania. (On that note, WWE really needs a strong segment from Hart to put the silly car-accident segment behind them and get the Hitman/McMahon program back on track.) Certainly play it up at the beginning and end of the show, but save the enthusiasm in between for the angles and matches unfolding before our eyes. Every single segment can’t be ”historic” and “groundbreaking” tonight. The initial declarations of Monday Night War on January 4 created some interest–now’s the time to follow up on that initial curiosity with a solid product. For you folks who imbibe, take a swig of your favorite adult beverage every time you hear “historic” or “history” tonight–you might be wasted by the halfway mark.

3. Bring down the curtain on the Band: How fitting would it be to wrap this going-nowhere-fast storyline than to kill off Waltman, Nash and Hall as the company kicks off its new era on Monday nights? Shedding as many resemblances to WCW Nitro as possible would benefit most involved–in fact, the life TNA saves may be its own. While you’re taking out the trash, grab the Nasty Boys as well. And for God’s sake, get Sting out of the damn rafters already and put him alongside the Pope or  on the opposite side of an issue with a younger star who could use the rub, like Desmond Wolfe. More likely, the company will try to resurrect the rivalry of Sting vs. Flair, which, quite frankly, wasn’t even that huge of a draw back in 1990.

4. My money’s on the Pope: TNA has done a solid job of building up the Pope as a contender for the World championship. Continue to focus that spotlight on perhaps the company’s most charismatic rising star and let him shine. He’s the closest thing TNA has to a young ”Rock”-like personality who could break out with huge mainstream appeal.

5. Get Samoa Joe back in the mix: For years, Joe was entrenched as one of the company’s biggest stars. With the exception of an under-promoted title shot with A.J. Styles in which the emphasis was on Bischoff as special ref, he’s been a background player since the Hogan takeover.

6. A mix of old and new: There has to be a balance of established talent with name value (Hulk Hogan, Flair, Foley, Angle, Hardy, etc.) and younger talent on the rise (D Wolfe, Pope, etc.). WCW relied on established stars like Hogan, Hall, Nash and Savage to build their audience in the late ’90s and that worked for a while. Ultimately, the company was doomed when it failed to elevate the young talent (Jericho, Mysterio, Guerrero, Benoit) who were blowing away audiences with their matches. Don’t bury the longtime TNA stars and alienate its loyal fanbase by relying too heavily on older stars under the new regime. In theory, Flair is a great  superstar rub for World champ Styles, as long as he doesn’t continue to overshadow his protégé. Hardy is still one of the top names in the industry, so they must get him in the thick of things tonight, preferably by laying the groundwork for a Hardy vs. Styles program down the road for the World title. (Something along the lines that Hardy accomplished everything in WWE there was to do–now he’s back to go after the World title he never won the first time around in TNA.) TNA has the right idea with Hogan and Flair paired up with Abyss and Styles, respectively tonight. I don’t have have a problem giving away Hogan vs. Flair on free TV as a gimmick to attract curious casual viewers, but they could have done a much better job building toward tonight’s bout. It’s not like Hogan vs. Flair would mean anything on PPV at this point, but it could definitely bode well for tonight’s rating based off their names alone. After such a big send-off by WWE, the Nature Boy returning to the ring should have been promoted much better–not surprising that the TNA ads popping up online feature Hogan’s in-ring return and not Flair’s.

7. Hot tag:  It’s no secret that McMahon has a disdain for tag-team wrestling, despite the fact that matches for the company’s World tag titles produced some of the company’s most memorable bouts of the ’80s and ’90s. I’d start a major angle over the TNA belts tonight, making them a viable goal worthy of pursuit as opposed to WWE’s Unified tag titles, which seem reserved for two singles stars who are paired up because they have nothing better else to do. A hot, old-school tag bout with enough time to tell a story would be ideal tonight. I like TNA’s established teams like Beer Money (despite the Russo name), Motor City Machine Guns and the British Invasion, although I’m afraid the sun is setting on Team 3-D as players. Showcase what has largely become a forgettable aspect of WWE programming.

8. Limit the Bisch: While I admit he’s a strong performer on the mic, Bischoff is making the classic booker mistake of overexposure and involving himself in too many segments and storylines. Less is more in the case of Bisch. While the jury’s still out on his creative direction, I know for a fact that Bischoff the performer doesn’t sell PPVs. If anything, I’ll take the Bisch as the on-air exec in charge over Dixie Carter any day. But he’s way better in small doses.

9. Knock ‘em dead: TNA’s Knockouts have long been considered by TNA’s fans to have the superior women’s division in the ring compared to WWE’s, so prove it to an expanding audience. With the notable exceptions of Maryse and Mickie James, the Divas mostly are a homogenous blur of nameless, faceless women. Kiss Awesome Kong’s big ass and get her back in the fold, if she’s not already, as I think she could be a major star on Monday nights.

10. Cliffhanger: Shortly after the NWO takeover, Bischoff did a pretty good job at closing Nitro episodes with compelling ending and giving the audience a reason to tune in next week. So far in this run, he’s not really come through. The Jan. 4 closing saw Bischoff spin around dramatically in a chair as Foley was looking for Hogan, which would have been OK had he not delivered a promo earlier in the ring to kick off the second hour. Then the fate of the segment was doomed when the Band bum rushed Foley. And in case you have any further ideas of reliving 1997, Sting dropping down from the rafters to save Hogan and Abyss after the main event isn’t going to cut it in 2010.

File under Hulk Hogan and TNA.

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