Scott Bowden presents Kentucky Fried Rasslin

Bittersweet brown sugar: PYTs bid farewell to the King of Pop.

“Pretty Young Things” (a.k.a. “The PYT Express”) Koko Ware and Norvell Austin held a press conference today in front of the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis to remember their mentor, the late Michael Jackson, who died from cardiac arrest yesterday at 50. In the early ’80s, with their careers stalling faster than La Toya Jackson’s solo album, Ware and veteran Austin adopted sunglasses, leather jackets, headbands and overall attitudes inspired by the King of Pop—making them instant heels with the majority of redneck fans in Memphis.

Yesterday, Ware clutched the microphone with his sparkling-glove-adorned trembling right hand and paid tribute to the man who inspired the former AWA Southern tag-team champions with not only a gimmick but also a way of life. “We always felt Michael Jackson’s presence in our corner as we battled crackers like the Fantastics-the Pat Boones of pro wrestling. Sure, the Fabulous Ones may have had Jackie Fargo, but how many gold records did that fool cut? Michael Jackson was our Berry Gordy. We lived that gimmick 24/7, always dimming the lights, just to make it right, in the night, hittin’ that lovin’ spot, giving you all that we got.”

Choking up, a visibly shaken Austin looked to that great booker in the sky and wondered aloud, “Why? Why did he have to die when he was still….pretty…young?” The PYTs closed the proceedings wishing the Jackson family a little “TLC—Tender Lovin’ Care.”

Freebird Michael Hayes, the only known redneck to moonwalk for a nationwide audience, could not be reached for comment.